Parental Affirmation, Daddy Edition

Hey there! Happy Wednesday!  My husband gets back from a business trip today, so today's affirmation is about the dudes.

Want to know one thing men do wayyyyyy better than women?  They don't bash each other the way women do.  Sure, they talk about how terrible [insert professional athlete] is, or maybe they have a problem with the way certain politicians are doing their job, but they don't attack on the personal level.    They don't say, "Gosh, President Obama really isn't paying enough attention to Michelle, or his daughters, and did you see what he wore to that black tie event, and when is he ever going to do something about that gray on his temples?"  And I have heard plenty of, "OMG what is she doing with her hair, and that is so not her color, and no wonder her husband drinks too much..."  Which is one reason I love men and I want to sing their praises.  Here are some awesome dad things that go on in the world:

1.) Landon (hubs)

Landon likes his little girl a lot.  On days that he works late and gets home after she goes to bed he is sad and asks me if he can wake her up to play with her and never does because he knows she needs her sleep and I do too.  He will bounce balls around the house with her ALL DAY LONG.  Which is really fun for her.  He likes kids' books based on their portrayal of strong female characters and gender equality (this is something I SERIOUSLY doubt he ever noticed before he had a daughter, and I am fairly certain he wouldn't have noticed if she had been a he).  He is in agreement with me that dating will never happen (until MAYBE she is 35).  He is already researching vehicular tracking devices for when she starts driving.  He works his ass off to provide for his family.  He would really love to spoil her rotten but he doesn't.  I suspect that he might be secretly hoping that no other female finally becomes president in the next 30-40 years because he wants her to be the first one.  He is cool with me not having a paycheck so that I can hang out with her all the time.

2.) This is another anonymous (or ambiguous?) list that goes out to the dads I see doing it right on a regular basis.

Hey, dads!! You're doing it right when...

You tell them to rub dirt on their hurt
Your kid likes you enough that they try to be like you (even when being like you includes four letter words from time to time -- they like you enough to emulate...)
You teach them to go potty outside
You let them (and/or make them) hold the plywood while you go at it with a power tool
You employ them at manual labor so they think a college degree is a good idea
You let them [insert risky behavior here, like drink water straight from the hose]
You train them to get you a beer (they need to know they aren't the center of the universe)
You help them overcome fears
You teach them to stand up for themselves and for others
You teach them to respect their mother by respecting their mother
You let them (make them?) get dirty and maybe forget to have them wash their hands later
You practice any skill, from kicking a ball to video games, with them over and over and over
You make them listen to your favorite music
You work your ass off to provide them with stability/health insurance/food, etc...
You won't accept bad sportsmanship as an option
You play with fire
You tell them you love them


I had originally planned on writing specifically about my own dad in this post, but every attempt left me a blubbering mess (as did every attempt about my mom in previous posts), so I decided to do longer posts about each of them later on (or never, I might not ever get past the line, "My mom/dad is awesome because..." before blubbering mess re-ensues).  Also, I had thought about writing specifically about particular dads but every attempt left me feeling like a husband creeper.  So I made the list above that is specific and ambiguous all in one, which is probably how most men would prefer it anyway.  I would love to have some feedback here on what your favorite father-isms happen to be because dads are just as important as moms, even when (or maybe because) they tell anyone prepared to listen that they just don't clean those dirty diapers as well as moms do.

Parental Affirmation Post # 3`

This one goes out anonymously to a few mamas with children on the autism spectrum. I nannied part time for a precious soul, and another mother I have gotten to know well through my mom, while another I met through mutual friends in Corpus Christi.  I have taught kids on the spectrum and cared deeply for their struggling little hearts.  This post is also a tribute to all the mamas who are faced with children who don't fit the general mold.

To these mamas I say,

You are doing an unbelievably wonderful job.

Here are some insights into their situations (obviously these are not EXACT quotes, rather, remembered snippets of conversations that made a lifelong impression):

"When I think about this too much I start to get paranoid and I start wondering if there is some giant conspiracy and maybe China is putting something in our water to make our next generation of boys non-functional to fight a war or something, because what else could cause this on such an increasing scale? So I just try not to think about it.  I don't have time for paranoid."

"Listen to your gut.  When you know something is wrong don't let some bonehead pediatrician try to tell you that you're overreacting.  You are your child's greatest advocate and if you don't stand up for them then who will?"

"I don't care if he is good at it or terrible at it, I want him to have art as a way of self-soothing and expression.  I want it to always be a way for him to relax and be happy."

"My son can speak multiple languages fluently, unfortunately English isn't one of them."

"My son graduated from high school and was able to get a job."

"People don't understand that my greatest fear is him running out into the street.  Other kids listen when you tell them to stop.  Mine might not realize that he is the one I'm yelling at."

"My most cherished piece of artwork is the one my son did just before things changed.  That is the most meaningful piece in my home." (this was said by an ACTUAL artist)

"I need a root canal and I have eight cavities but I can't afford it because I am paying for my son's therapy.  I've sold all of my jewelry and work two jobs.  What am I supposed to do?  I mean, he is my son.  I won't take away his lifelines."

"My 5 year old son blurted out 'I love you mommy' while we were driving today.  I have never heard him say that before and I don't know if I ever will again."

The quick, immediate currency of (young) motherhood tends to be the reckless abandon with which kisses and hugs and gifts and and "I love you"s are delivered from their sweet, grubby, artless little faces. This is a currency that is not always a given for these mothers.  They aren't always thanked, they are often times judged, and their road is the one less traveled and they didn't make the choice to take it, and yet they take it with such grace and love that I want to raise them up.